Too depressing.

Went out with friends after college today. Didn’t wanna go home so went out with L after a steamboat dinner with the girls. Chatted in McD’s for a while, just talking bout stuff. I’ve only known L for about 2 weeks plus so it was still kind of… awkward. But anyway, we didn’t go out in a date date kind of way… just as friends. We talked bout food, relationships, pool… random stuff.

But somehow, today just was depressing. College was depressing. Assignments suck. Oh but amazingly, I got a 4.5/5 percent for my philosophy quiz!!! Still, other than that highlight of the day, everything just seemed dreary and grey and absolutely dismal. Ugh.

I keep thinking about him. Not as in a I-regret-breaking-up way, but more like in a nostalgic way. I miss our hugs, and kisses, and cuddles, and sharing food and doing all those couple stuff. I miss someone to lean on.

 =((

Woke up at 3pm because of my damn phone alarm which I simply cannot ignore. Discovered badminton with church peeps is cancelled because one of them was unable to book the courts. Feeling pretty hungry now, but I’m too lazy to walk down and buy food.

I know, I’m such a lazy excuse of a human being. You know, I can even miss laundry day??? (I live in a private hostel and each block gets their own laundry days. Mine’s on Mondays & Tuesdays) I’ll get home from college, flop around aimlessly, and by the time I know it, the laundromat’s either closed or Tuesday has passed. It’s even worse if I go out after college. Argh.

 I really should be doing assignments now, but I’m just sitting here staring at the screen. I have to compile a newspaper for one of my assignments, finish my philosophy project which totally sucks because your brain turns to mush with all the reasoning and rationalizing, and launch a new product from an existing brand. And of all things we decided, it was to launch a veggie friendly burger from a major fast food chain. A bloody veggie burger. Oh God. But it’s too late to change anything now, so we’re just forging full steam ahead. Sigh. *crosses fingers* Please work out… I’ll just die if I can’t get a B at the very least.

Oh, just got news that we’re gonna hang out later tonight in replacement of badminton. That means… I have around two hours to do something productive before going out. Or maybe I’ll just loll around again.  Somebody, anybody, whip me into shape!

I finally broke up with Z. Well, technically we broke up on Tuesday, and today’s Sunday, but still. How does one talk about a break up on a blog? It’s so raw, and it seems so sordid to advertise the fact that “Oh hey, guess what everyone? Come read about how I’m full of sadness and depression because i just broke up.” It’s such a personal thing. I don’t know about you guys, but I just… can’t. So I hit upon a solution.

Talk about it anonymously. Thus, dimthelights was born!

You know what? I think I’m a freak. I really really love Z. He really really loves me. And yet, after one and a half years of coupledom, I’m fine now. After two to three days of crying, I’m okay. He’s not. Which is normal. I mean, hello? I just ended a long long relationship, and I’m… fine? I don’t get it!!! I’ve never gotten my heart broken before and I’m not saying I want to, duh, but don’t you think it’s so weird that I’m okay??? (don’t worry, I’m not in denial or something. I really am okay.)

*frowns* Well, of course I feel really sad about it, but as the days went by, I realised that I’m so sad because I feel so bad at the way he’s taking it. He’s not eating, not sleeping. And I feel hurt and sad for him, but not because of myself. I’m crying for him, not for me.

Wtf is wrong with me???